Top 12 Failed Toilet Paper Names
ByTop 12 Failed Toilet Paper Names
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Top 12 Failed Toilet Paper Names
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DOES a bear shit in the woods? The answer…
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Other Thoughts
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Local gang, “The Ingrates” Plans To “Not Be Very Thankful” On Thanksgiving
Top News: Nov 20, 2012 – Lima, Ohio – Local gang, “The Ingrates” plans to “not be very thankful” on Thanksgiving.
Sources close to the duo claim that the pair plans to scoff when their parents ask them to sit down to dinner this Thursday afternoon, and adds that the parental-aimed sneering may or may not be accompanied by an equally unappreciative, mocking and disrespectful hand gesture.
When asked what they would do as an alternate source of entertainment this Thursday afternoon, the twosome said they had tentative plans to “maybe skateboard at the mall” and might possibly “sit on the dumpster wall at the convenience store and throw peach pits at S.U.V’s.”
More on this breaking story as we receive it.
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It’s Five Blades! FIVE!
Okay, I’m smart enough to know… that wearing Tag body spray nor Right Guard, nor calling those 900 Number late-nite chat lines… suddenly means that I am going to be attacked by nubile-hotties ensconsed in slinky Kelly Bundy dresses and/or pseudo-cheerleader Roller Derby outfits.
I’m also smart enough to know that my “Small Town” State Farm agent is not going to be up my ass with a nice glass of water, a smile, and a soothing washcloth for my forehead if my dryer suddenly decides to blow up, while waiving insurance-loot in my face.
Big Mac’s are not so mammoth that they require two hands in order to lift them up to your piehole, Colt-45 never has, and never will “work every time”, and I’m sorry, but kids do not stop drawing chalk on each other’s faces or leave the kickball field just because some “Cool-Mom” poured a fucking glass of “Sunny-D” (As the cool kids call it).
However, I really and truly believed that when I shaved this morning, my bathroom was going to turn nuclear green and I’d feel as if I just drove a jet-plane.
I mean, come on. It’s FIVE blades!
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Verizon- I Guess We Do Stop Working For You
Walk into ANY Verizon store. The little bell on the door is still in mid-jingle when you are suddenly ATTACKED by the “Floor Coordinator”, whose sole job is to discern which of the two-hour lines you should numb your brain in, when you need their services for something. This, as annoying as it may be to have to explain your situation to an additional party, is at least an attempt to make you FEEL like the correct wheels are now in motion.
But really, the most important part of being a floor coordinator, is actually, the coordinating of the floor. Anyone can STAND on the floor and say “Welcome to Verizon”, but without the actual coordinating, it’s really quite a waste of time.
“Verizon. We Never Stop Wasting Your Time.”
After a 35 minute wait in line to deactivate one phone, and reactivate another one, we come to find out (From the tech, not the floor coordinator) that we NEVER NEEDED TO STAND IN LINE AT ALL! We simply could have dialed *611 from our freaking BATHTUB if we wanted, and handled this over the phone.
“Verizon. We Never Stop Pretending To Work For you.”
So we go home, call Verizon, and after a decade of waiting, we finally get to actually talk to tech “support”. We give serial numbers. We reboot phones. We dial *228 for on air programming. Of course, tech “support” neglects to inform us of one majorly important step in the process – that we must manuallay type in the new phone number on the new phone in order to reactivate it… so we unfortunately have to start the entire twenty minute process all over again. (Duh) Someone omitted a line on your little cheat-sheet? If that wasn’t enough of a sh*t-sundae, then the proverbial cherry on top is that… in the middle of round two with tech “support”, we get hung up on.
“Verizon. We Never Stop Repeating The Same Mistakes.”
We call back. The new tech-ie, repeats the same omission of steps. The new tech-ie doesn’t even have the correct cheat sheet for the correct phone.
“Verizon. We Never Stop Using Your Technological Input to Help Us In Helping You With Tech Support.”
Thankfully, I’m a little cell-phone saavy, or else I’d have been on the phone with this lady until Willard Scott wished me a “Happy One-Hundredth” on the Today Show.
Literally, I had to walk this lady through, walking ME through the programming of our new phone. Literally, I’m the one who told her that I needed to manually program in our new number. I’m the one who decided to just dial *228 a second time (Which got the phone working beautifully), while she alerted the Higher Techs, the Fire Dept, the Police, and the Media to aid her in her quest.
“Verizon. You Never Stop Doing Our Work.”
Where is Carly Foulkes when you need her?
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