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Wrestlemania XXVIII Predictions

WWE Tag Team Championship – Triple Threat Match
Primo & Epico (c) vs. The Usos vs. Justin Gabriel & Tyson Kidd

This is a ‘dark match’ taking place only on wwe.com before the actual pay per view begins, which further illustrates just how little regard the WWE has for the once great entity known as the WWE Tag Team Division. The only silver lining here, is that without any real buildup to this match, it sort of hearkens back to the days when Wrestlemania matches were made simply based on the fact that it was a good matchup that didn’t require months of story telling to sell it. But I’m probably giving the WWE way too much credit by suggesting that they even considered putting that much thought into it. Nonetheless, the match is made, and the title will change hands- if to seve no other purpose than to tell you on Monday night that you should have logged on to wwe.com prior to the pay per view to watch it.

WINNER: The Usos

Maria Menounos and Kelly Kelly vs. Divas Champion Beth Phoenix and Eve

Kelly Kelly officially takes over the Trish Stratus mantle on this one- your prerequisite ‘celebrity match’ to cater to the throngs of people who will be watching Wrestlemania for no other reason than the simple fact that it’s become an americana “Holiday”… and society dictates you should do so. Truthfully, I’m hard pressed to call Menounos a celebrity on this one, but she is extremely attractive and she does have some relatively admirable history in the ring. In a way, it’s a shame that they didn’t start the marketing for this match a little earlier, because it really could have been pseudo iconic if they had, even though again, I may be giving the WWE a little too much credit, seeing as how the Divas Division is laughable at best. Yes, the wrestling has improved, but given the revolving door mentality they apply to the championship, and the way last month’s champ is next month’s jobber… it’s hard to take it too seriously. It’s no wonder real women’s wrestlers like Gail Kim have moved on to smaller & better. But I digress. Fact is, you can bet the house and the car on this one, it’s a lock- celebrities always win at Wrestlemania and this match will be no different.  Cling to it for what it’s worth… there won’t be the same amount of ‘feel good’ matches you’re used to this year, but this will be one of them.

WINNER: Maria Menounos and Kelly Kelly

Randy Orton vs. Kane

Again, with no buildup we sort of have a throwback-to-old-days match, that is on the card simply because it’s a good match. Then again, given the utter joke that Kane has become since the “no-mask” era, and the utterly ridiculous animations Randy Orton seems destined to perform every time he steps into the ring these days, “good” is a relative term. But both are seriously good performers when they need to be, and one would argue that they both deserve to be here. Most experts are picking Orton, but most ‘experts’ also like to take the path of least resistance when they’re not sure who’s going to win and go with the babyface. I think there’s more to this one than that. This match isn’t so much as who has the most to gain from a victory, as much as it is who stands to lose to most by losing, and the fact is, Kane has been nothing short of a punchline lately. So unless you want to continue seeing him do nothing but beating up Zack Ryder each week, the WWE needs to get him over as a baddie, and Randy Orton is the best man left to do the job for him. Besides, people out there are calling for a Cena heel-turn, and I think those people are putting their money on the wrong guy. Orton has always preferred being a heel so I look for him to snap, and do exactly that, shortly after losing this match- and probably beginning a new feud with Sheamus.

WINNER: Kane

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Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny 12-Man Tag Team Match for Control of Raw and Smackdown
Team Teddy – Santino Marella, R-Truth, Kofi Kingston, Zack Ryder, Great Khali and Booker T
Team Johnny – David Otunga, Drew McIntyre, Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger and The Miz

To the ‘experts’ out there, this one is a no-brainer. In most people’s eyes, for professional wrestling to succeed you simply must have a heel General Manager in charge, and John Laurinaitis has played the role well. But they’re wrong if they think that’s guaranteeing him the victory here. First, look at the rosters- have you ever seen a more lopsided match in your life? People love rooting for the underdogs, and this rag-tag team that Teddy Long has strung together sure fits the bill. Aside of that, yes, it’s good for entertainment purposes to have a heel “boss” in charge, but what people are forgetting is that given Laurinaitis’s spot within the company, he can still come in and pull strings and make life for everyone miserable, including Teddy Long, whether he’s the GM or not. Long on the other hand, becomes one-hundred-percent irrelevant if he loses. And before someone plays the “He can go back to being a manager” card, remember one thing- managers are typically heels by default and Teddy is a babyface. Therefore my money is on Teddy to win, with John-John continuing to throw his weight around and interfere with Long’s affairs on the weekly telecasts- until Triple H gets tired of it and challenges him to a match at Summer Slam.

WINNER: Team Teddy

Intercontinental Championship
Cody Rhodes (c) vs. Big Show

Keep in mind, Big Show is getting up there in terms of age (he was in the n.W.o. after all) so there is an ever so slight chance that he shuts Cody Rhodes up, gets his revenge for Rhodes’ recent verbal onslaught, and finally gets his Wrestlemania Moment in the twilight of his career. But I don’t think we’re there yet. For what it’s worth, it’s still almost as entertaining watching Big Show lose at the Big Dance every year as much as it is watching Undertaker keep up the winning streak, and I believe the trend continues here. Besides, it’s time for Cody Rhodes to take that ‘next step’, and retaining the title here is the path to it. He’s been a great heel, defending his Intercontinental Title as little as humanly possible, and I say that deliciously heel-trend will be allowed to continue for awhile- perhaps even long enough for him to break Honkytonk Man’s record for holding the IC belt the longest. Besides, no one will argue that this matchup was a bit thrown together. So without giving away my next prediction, I see this as nothing more than an entertaining delay to get Big Show back in the hunt for the World Heavyweight title mix, after Wrestlemania is done and over.

WINNER: Cody Rhodes

World Heavyweight Championship
Daniel Bryan (c) vs. Sheamus

This match is definitely going to start out with Sheamus beating the living tar out of Daniel Bryan, and showing the world exactly why Bryan has no business wearing the belt. But it’s not going to end that way. Never in a million years did I ever believe I’d be saying this, but Daniel Bryan has been a great heel-champion for the past few months, and the WWE would be absolutely nuts to job him out right now. Besides, given the fact that it was exactly one year ago at Wrestlemania 27 where these two battled for the US Title in a dark match with the heel-babyface roles flip-flopped, I think Sheamus still has to suffer a little more injustice to truly get the fans behind him all the way. Personally, I think the WWE wants to focus more on the slowly dissolving relationship between Bryan and AJ Lee, so I look for Daniel to ‘use’ AJ in some underhanded way to retain his belt. Sheamus will move on (for some yet to be determined reason) to battle with a heel-turned Randy Orton later on in the month, and it will actually be Big Show, the lovable-loser, who resumes the feud with Bryan for the rest of the warm weather months, in both an effort to defend AJ Lee’s honor, and hopefully win the belt in the process. Call Vegas, this one’s a lock.

WINNER: Daniel Bryan

Best In The World vs. Best In The World – WWE Championship
CM Punk (c) vs. Chris Jericho

If anyone actually gave a damn about Chris The Lionheart Jericho, this one would have a great opportunity to steal the show. Problem is, no one does, though I would venture to say from a pure wrestling point of view, this one may steal the night. With that said, there are actually two reasons I know CM Punk walks away with the victory on this one. First and foremost, CM Punk has arguably carried the WWE on his back for the better part of the year, and there’s no way that the WWE is going to blow the opportunity to reward him for that on their biggest stage. Secondly, Wrestlemania simply has to end on a ‘feel-good’ note and given the fact that we’ll be robbed of that this year no matter who wins the Rock-Cena match, the WWE has to make up for it by giving us two feel-good matches leading up to it. Besides, let’s face the facts here- in spite of the fact that Jericho did just sign a contract extension (though he will be touring with Fozzy this Summer) to steal a line from Cena, he’s still a “visitor” and you don’t put belts on visitors at Wrestlemania. The storyline will most likely continue after the lights go down tomorrow night, but I look for a thirty minute match ending with Punk hitting Chris in mid-lionsault with his patented GTS. So start singing it now, “In The Jungle, The Mighty Jungle, The Lionheart Goes To Sleep Tonight…”

WINNER: CM Punk

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